“Ah.”

I realised as I stepped out of the infirmary.
Today was Thursday. Not payback day.
Which meant my plan – “We’ll see each other after school anyway, so I’ll just cool off for now” – had fallen apart.

It was awkward.
　I’d rather not use the phrase ‘running away’ from Amamiya Tōru.
But when the mood shattered like that, I couldn’t bear the silent time flowing between us. Usually, I’d find even that kind of silence comforting.

I understood the cause perfectly well.

Feverish, swept up in the atmosphere.
I’d acted rather clingy towards her.
　I said I liked her. I said it felt good. I begged for a kiss.
Looking back on that unfamiliar version of myself later, the embarrassment is beyond ordinary. On top of that, Amamiya Tōru also told me she liked me. She even said she loved me.

That leaves a fatal scar on my heart.
My chest feels nothing but constriction from that arrow of affection piercing right through the centre.

Just as there is the word ‘kotodama’ (the power of words).
　Words sometimes possess a special power proportional to the feelings behind them.
By saying I liked her, I had already clearly recognised the nature of the affection I held for Amamiya Tōru.

This was unmistakably ‘love’.

Just conjuring that word in my mind made the heat in my body refuse to subside.
Having explicitly voiced my liking, the kanji for love wouldn’t leave my head.

This awkwardness might linger for a while.
　But it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Right now, I’m just bewildered because I can’t see what comes next.
We’ve confirmed our mutual feelings. But even knowing the other likes me, does that change anything about our current relationship?
How should we change it?

This awkwardness arose because we, still so new to all this, didn’t know the answers.

Even this time together is something rarely experienced.
I think we should savour it fully.

　It’s fine to indulge in fantasies of becoming Amamiya Tōru’s lover.

If we two girls were to date, what kind of couple would we be?
It’s perfectly acceptable to let the corners of my mouth turn up at the thought of a possible happy future.

At first, I never thought I’d be able to even attempt fantasising about being in a romantic relationship with her.
Now, just a few seconds of thought is enough for the fantasies to run wild.
The change in my heart. Love truly transforms people.

　………Somehow, realising it just makes me feel even more embarrassed.

How did Amamiya Tōru interpret this awkward atmosphere?
I do hope she enjoyed this time too, and perhaps even let her thoughts wander to a future with me.

How incredibly happy that would make me.

Thinking such things, I returned to the classroom for the second period lesson, which had already started quite some time ago.

　◇

“This awkward atmosphere seems likely to end today.”

I know I’m repeating myself, but today is Thursday. By the rules, today should be a day without any payback.
Yet here we are, Amamiya Tōru and I, in our usual hotel room after Thursday classes.

“Honestly, it feels like the awkward atmosphere lasted from morning right through to after school.”

We faced each other on the bed and laughed.
Even she, usually expressionless and transparent, couldn’t quite be said to be laughing, but her cheeks softened, and she seemed to be enjoying this situation alongside me.

Even if we tried to retroactively find positive meaning in how things had ended up.
Even if we felt uneasy about such a situation.
What’s done is done and cannot be changed, and the future remains unknown to anyone.
　More than awkwardness, I still wanted to spend this afternoon with Amamiya Tōru.
She felt the same; as the end of the day drew nearer, it became utterly impossible to be detached.

The person I laid myself bare to.
The person who laid their feelings bare to me.

It’s certainly awkward. Embarrassing, even.
But if I bare myself again, the awkwardness should fade surprisingly quickly.
If she throws her feelings at me again, I’ll throw mine back at her, strong enough to envelop even that.

I think I’m clumsy at love.

But that’s part of the unique thrill of being a high schooler, right now.

“What about our clothes?”

To express my feelings, I need to be proactive.
I ask Amamiya Tōru, signalling my intent.

“First comes the kiss, surely?”

Sitting facing me on the bed, she places her hands beside my legs, then leans in, her face close as she gets on all fours.

“If we’re talking about that, shouldn’t we start with a hug?”

My voice cracks.
Huh, maybe I’m actually quite nervous, me.

“A hug comes after we’ve both taken our clothes off.”

Compared to that, Amamiya Tōru, who just now gave me a kiss that barely touched my lips with such natural ease, seems surprisingly composed.
Is it just that her usual expressionless face makes her seem unfazed?

　She grabs my blazer sleeve.
Pulled sharply, I sense her intent and lean forward.

I press my forehead against her collarbone as she kneels.

“How do you create… mood?”

Her voice, whispered in my ear, trembled slightly.
Ah, she’s nervous too. Realising we felt the same eased my own tension a little.

“I wouldn’t know. I understand kissing and hugging, but I don’t even know how girls do it.”
“I don’t know either.”

As we kept talking, the tension eased further.
This time, I murmured teasingly into her ear.

“Eh? So no action today then?”

Amamiya Tōru looked up at my face.
Our eyes met at point-blank range.

　Hmph.
She smiled.

“No way.”
“Right?”
“If we had to wait again today, that would be too much teasing.”
“Right?”

This time, I pressed my lips to hers.
Just a touch.

Chu, chu.

　I kiss her, pecking lightly.
But soon it feels insufficient, and I start to feel the urge to slip my tongue inside.

“Can I use my tongue?”

That request from Amamiya Tōru.
My heart flutters.
I even feel a sense of destiny in the fact that she wanted what I wanted.

I answered not with words, but with action.
I extended my tongue and entwined it with Amamiya Tōru’s.
　I wanted to savour every part of her mouth – her lips, her teeth, everything inside.
Saliva flowed between our entwined tongues, transferring from her to me.
Conversely, I swallowed hers.

“Is this getting moody?”
“It certainly is.”

We paused our conversation. I drew my face close again.
But this time, I changed the angle and kissed her cheek unexpectedly.
A kiss that clung to her smooth skin.

“Payback.”

Toru Amamiya drew closer.

“Close your eyes.”

I did as told.
A kiss landed on my eyelid.

And so we showered each other with kisses on places other than our lips.
Face. Neck. Collarbone.

“Clothes are in the way, aren’t they?”
“Mm. Mind if I take them off?”
“Ahaha. Hooked?”
“Very much so.”

　First, we swiftly removed our own blazers.
Then I went for the front of Amamiya Tōru’s blouse.
Amamiya Tōru reached for the front of my blouse.

She carefully undid each button one by one.

As skin became visible, she gradually sucked on it with her lips, starting from the exposed areas.

“There’s a red mark.”

She murmured, tracing her finger just above my breast.

“Is that what they call marking?”
“Nice, that.”
“Then I’ll leave one too.”

I increased the suction on her skin slightly.
A soft, wet sound echoed.

By the time we’d finished removing each other’s blouses, our upper bodies were dotted with red marks.
So this is what they call a ‘kiss mark’. Who’d have thought I’d ever find myself in a situation where I’d be giving and receiving them? Truly, you never know what life will throw at you.

“What about the skirt?”
“Can you do it with it still on?”
“I don’t know. But somehow, it’s better with the skirt on…”
“…? Better how?”
“It might be a bit… exciting?”
“Eh?”

Her words brought back memories of that morning in the infirmary.
　I distinctly remembered her knee slipping under my skirt, pressing firmly against my crotch.
Recalling that sensation, my lower abdomen began to throb.

“So it’s confirmed I’ll be the one receiving?”
“We can just switch roles, can’t we?”
“Does that mean I can touch your private parts too, Amamiya-san?”
“It wouldn’t be fair if only Mashiro got to feel good.”

Her cheeks were flushed crimson.

“Can I take off your underwear now?”

Her hand came round my back, touching my bra clasp.

“Please don’t ask me that. It’s embarrassing.”
“Hmm. …Right then, I’ll look.”

Not “I’ll take it off,” but “I’ll look.” That alone…
…made me even more aroused. My mind was clouded with heat, my lust becoming raw and exposed.

　The bra came off.

Instinctively, I tried to cover myself with my hands.

“No. Don’t hide it.”
“…Ugh~”
“Blushing? Mashiro, you’re cute and beautiful.”

It should have been a comment on the exposed breasts, yet somehow she was stroking the white line etched into my left arm.

“Now it’s my turn to undo yours, Amamiya-san.”
“All right.”

I slipped my hands round her back and undid the fastening.
Her bra fell away.

Amamiya Tōru’s breasts, laid bare and defenceless. Those beautiful cherry-blossom pink tips.

“It’s a bit embarrassing being stared at like that.”
“This is the first time you’ve seen them, right?”

　Because a bashful Amamiya Tōru was adorable.
Because her breasts were incredibly provocative.
Because I didn’t want anyone else to see them.
Possessive urges began welling up immediately.

“………It’s alright.”

Amamiya Tōru smiled.
Her gaze even held a hint of tenderness.

“Showing them, kissing, and what we’re about to do now.”

I saw it for the first time in ages.
　She spread her arms wide.
The way she did when inviting me.

“You’re the first, and you’ll be the last.”

Everything, everything, only for you.

Hearing those whispered words, my reason shattered.
Surrendering to raw lust, I clung to her.

“Right? A hug’s better after taking your clothes off, isn’t it?”

　She was absolutely right.
But right now, my breath was ragged, and I was in no state to give a proper reply.

I wanted stimulation.
Stimulation that would make me feel incredibly good.

“Mmm! Ah, uwa!”

Still hugging, she pressed her knee firmly against my crotch again.

“I don’t know how to do it, but if feeling good is what matters… I’ll touch you? Mashiro.”

That was her final confirmation.

I gazed at Amamiya Tōru with a dazed expression.
Her face was dazed too, as expected.

That day, we became utterly absorbed in the thrill of our first time.
We didn’t even care about the sweat, ending up completely naked.

We simply surrendered to the pleasure.

It felt like we might become addicted.