Thursday morning.
Usually, my eyes open of their own accord much earlier, and I just drift along, killing time.
This morning, unusually, I overslept.

The reason being, yesterday, Mashiro was unwell and stayed home from school.
She certainly isn’t a standout in class, but as far as I’ve observed, she’s never missed a single day of school.
At first, I thought, “Well, it happens sometimes.”
　Yesterday, I found myself unconsciously thinking about Mashiro at every turn. Not just once or twice, but over a dozen times. Mashiro appeared in my mind.

I recalled how she’d been at the hotel on Tuesday.

Her face had certainly been flushed.
But at the time, I was surely flushed too.
Our body temperatures were high; pressed together, we felt hot.
　I must have felt the same.
Come to think of it, she was sweating profusely.
………No, no, I was sweating profusely too.

……….

Ah, here I am this morning, remembering it all again.
Even though I tossed and turned last night, unable to sleep.
The moment I wake, the restlessness starts again.

　Mashiro licking my neck like a pet dog.
When it’s just the two of us, she’s so expressive, and I find myself envying that a little.
When she gently bit my ear, I felt something I’d never felt before rush through my body. Only later did I realise that was pleasure.
　Mashiro said my face looked utterly smitten, but it was her own face back then that truly looked completely ‘melted away’ – and I felt the same shivers.

In the end, there’s no point in recalling all that happened at the hotel.
Because, well, the situation was what it was.
We were both utterly consumed by our lust, completely absorbed in seeking pleasure. There was no way she could have known.
　There was no way we could have sensed each other’s physical condition.

Even so, I still find myself remembering how we entwined again…

“It’s all Mashiro’s fault. Because of Mashiro… This makes me seem like I’ve become lewd too.”

Perhaps it’s because I’m being poisoned by Mashiro.

But even though my thoughts tend to drift in strange directions like this, I do genuinely worry about Mashiro.
　I considered visiting her. But I didn’t know where she lived.
Then via LINE. Thinking that, I opened the smartphone I could now afford to use. But then it dawned on me – I hadn’t exchanged LINE details with her.
Even after maintaining a good relationship for three months, I realised I still knew far too little about her.

Mainly, her private life when she wasn’t with me.

　The real me wouldn’t normally want to know that much. Or so I thought.
But after Mashiro missed school, experiencing a day without seeing her for the first time…
That dark, sticky feeling I’d felt sometime before began to stir inside my chest.

What is Mashiro doing when I can’t see her?
When she’s not beside me, whose side is Mashiro actually on?

If she’s alone, like me, I’d be happy.
　If, like me, Mashiro were also brooding over me, I’d be even happier.

But surely Mashiro isn’t like that.
Mashiro might be similar to me, but she and I are distinctly different.
Even if she’s lonely and bored at school, she has a family at home who give her warmth.
………The one who gives me warmth isn’t family. It’s Mashiro, and only Mashiro.

　Ah, this dark, thread-like emotion… is it heavy?

Jealousy. Envy. Boredom. And then, possessiveness.

I’m not stupid.
I don’t want to impose ideals on each other.
I’ve already accepted she isn’t exactly like me.

But even so, I only have Mashiro now.

Apart from Mashiro, I don’t even need my parents.

　Yesterday, I sat in that dark room thinking such things, staring at my LINE contacts screen – empty of any registered numbers – until sleep overtook my thoughts.

And now here I am.
Oversleeping and thinking about Mashiro like this again is fine, but I need to get ready at the same time or I’ll be late for school.
I get dressed, leave the house without eating anything.

I hope Mashiro is at school today.

　◇

The first thing I check upon entering the classroom isn’t my own seat, but Mashiro’s.
It’s not because today is special; even before I started interacting with Mashiro, I’d always prioritised checking her seat first thing when arriving at school.
It’s become something of a habit.
Looking back now, I realise I must have been drawn to something about her for a long time. Perhaps even before I ever spoke to her.

”(………There she is)”

Masahiro sat at her desk, hunched over so much she looked as if she might slump face-first onto it.
I walked towards her.

“Good morning, Mashiro.”

The usual greeting.
After we started seeing each other, I began saying “Good morning” and “See you later” as a defensive measure to keep her from slipping away.
Now, it had become such a routine that skipping it left me with an itchy feeling somewhere inside. The passage of time truly makes human relationships endlessly fascinating. It brings change, for better or worse.
　Even to me and Mashiro, living such dull days as if left behind in a solitary world, it applied equally.

“———”
“Mashiro?”

Today too, I should have heard her say “Good morning”.
But the words I longed for didn’t come, no matter how long I waited.

“Mashiro, are you still feeling unwell?”

“Are you alright? Mashiro. Shall we go to the infirmary together?”

“Um, Mashiro?”

Just two minutes remained before the morning short homeroom bell rang.
I called out to Mashiro incessantly, not even setting down my bag. Yet, there was still no reply.

What should I do? This was the first time my chest had felt so tight.
My mind was in such a jumble I felt I might forget how to breathe.
I just wanted her to lift her face. To meet my eyes. If she was lost in thought like usual, I wished she’d at least make it obvious with some gesture.

But Mashiro didn’t move a muscle, just kept staring down.

The bell rang.

“Why are you ignoring me?”

Could such a faint voice really have come from my own mouth?
I was startled by the words that slipped out unconsciously.
But more than that, I felt an overwhelming sadness.